Top Five Tips to Ace Your Exams
As the school year draws to a close, multitudes of worries about end-of-year exams begin to seep into the minds of unsuspecting students. With overwhelmed feelings of having to study for multiple exams, as well as tackle spring sports and other extracurriculars, I have decided to share my top five exam study hacks to make sure my fellow peers will absolutely ace their exams.
#1: Sleep with your textbook under your pillow
If you can’t seem to grasp a concept regarding a certain topic or unit, just sleep with your textbook under your pillow. If you place your textbook in the right position, the knowledge will just seep into your brain, and you will become a doctorate-level expert in whatever you were struggling to get an understanding of. With this method, all you need is a good night's sleep.
#2: Flush your Chromebook down the toilet and chant the “Exam Day Poem”
Similar to snow day rituals, which we Michiganders follow from the months between November and March, flushing your Chromebook down the toilet and chanting the Exam Day poem have proven a 98 percent success rate. The Exam Day poem goes as follows:
Even if I don’t study,
That is okay.
I am sure that I’m gonna get that A
Intelligence, don’t fail me
Intelligence, don’t play
I need to get that A
#3: Spin a wheel that determines which letter you will choose on your exam
For this, you will need to order a wheel much like the one on “The Price is Right” off of Temu. When it arrives, I suggest putting A, B, C, and D on this wheel, spin it, then whatever letter it lands on, just answer every question with that letter on each exam. This will remove the stress of wondering which answer to select on each exam.
#4: Create a shrine of Mrs. Uzelec and pray to it every night before bed
This requires some outside materials. You will need to acquire at least 127 photos of Mrs. Uzelac. Then you will need to adorn your setup with University of Michigan merchandise as well as at least 63 photos of her dog. Every night before bed and every morning when you wake up, kneel in front of your shrine and pray that Mrs. Uzelac will extend her guidance and wisdom upon you. If you are lucky enough for her to answer your prayers, you are guaranteed 100 percent on every exam.
#5: Gaslight yourself into thinking that you have already studied
If you convince yourself that you have already studied for long, extraneous hours, then there is no point in doing any more. This removes the additional worry and stress of having to actually study. When it is time to take your exam, all that gaslight studying will have definitely paid off.
Now, these are not the only ways to guarantee a perfect exam score. Liam Dunleavy, 10, shared his Abracadabra method, which entails “You guess A, B, and C and then go with D every once in a while because D is never the answer,” Liam said.
Or, I guess you could take advice from your teachers. But I suggest you try one of my five hacks, you’re guaranteed success if you listen to me.